Yeah, like, whatever dood.

The basic tenets of my blog are as follows.

• I am MJP the MVP. I have ADD and I like WWE. I plan to get my Ph.D. and I'm not down with O.P.P. *Translation for the abbreviation-illiterate: I am Marissa Jean Patterson the Most Valuable Player (on my high school Academic Challenge team in 2007 and 2008 anyway.) I have Awesome Dancing Dinosaurs (that's what ADD stands for, right?) and I like World Wrestling Entertainment. I plan to get my... well, I plan to be really freaking educated, and I'm not down with Other People's Pancakes. Seriously, no one but me knows the proper syrup-to-pancake ratio.
• Go ahead and flame me, I'll just ignore you. Go ahead and troll me, I don't bite. (Well, actually I do bite a little, but enough about my sex life.) Go ahead and tell me I suck, I'll probably say something about your face, your mom, or your mom's face. Ironically, of course. *puts on hipster glasses*
• This is the internet. You're free here. If you don't like what I'm saying, don't come crying to me about it. Just click "Next Blog." That way you're not offended, I'm not annoyed, and everyone wins.
• The topic of Justin Bieber is not to be brought up, except in the context of the ongoing war between mylifeisaverage.com and Justin Bieber fans. If there's any doubt as to whose side I'm on there, I'll give you a hint: it's the one with coloring books, Narnia and Waldo.
• I'm not immature. I have an eleven-year-old brother and a habit of picking up other people's interests and mannerisms. What's your excuse? That's what I thought.
• Pandas are awesome. This awesomeness is never to be questioned. This applies mostly to giant pandas, though questioning the awesomeness of red pandas is frowned upon as well.
• The best pens on earth are Pilot G-2 gel pens (fine point of course) and Sharpie pens. I am not being paid to say this. They just rock that hard. I have strange favoritism for basic objects. I once had a job in an office and you'd be surprised I didn't burn the place down: everyone kept taking my favorite stapler. True story. *catchphrase*
• Wrestling is not fake. Real people are using their real athletic ability and risking real injury to entertain people who for the most part are NOT uneducated hicks. Note the correct spelling and grammar used in the majority of WWE fan signs. Can you say "myth busted"? Also, compare WWE fans' use of the English language to your average Tea Party rally. Can you say "Who's ignorant now?" /rant
• I rant. A lot. Get used to it. I will, however, always at least attempt to signal the end of each individual rant with "/rant" as shown above, so if you find yourself in the middle of the rant and want to skip to the good stuff, just look for that symbol like it's the square at the end of a magazine article. (Who reads magazines anymore though?)
• I may plug my Twitter page on occasion. I need followers like a zombie needs brains.
• I only tease you because I love you.
• I will do my best to censor myself. I come from a Navy family, so naturally I swear like a sailor IRL, just not in polite company.
• I don't have a political party or a favorite baseball team, because, despite being a proud American *read last bullet, Navy family implies some degree of patriotism*, politics and baseball are two things I just don't give an ass's rat about. (For the concerned parents: I'm talking about a donkey's pet rat, but everything else on this blog can and will be taken as sexual innuendo so keep the Parental Controls on for this one.)
• I do, however, have a favorite college team: the University of Akron Zips. As a lifelong resident of Summit County, Ohio and a current student at the U of A, I feel I have every right to give the boys (and girls) in blue and gold an occasional shout-out. AK-ROWDY!

Well, that's about the limit of my energy for tonight. I didn't even get to what I really wanted to talk about, but I guess I can blog about Monday Night Raw tomorrow. Marissa out. <3